Rejection Letter
Dear God,
Thank you for sending us The Bible.
Several of us have read it and we regret to say that, due to the sheer incoherence of your narrative, your work cannot find a place among our publications for there are, alas, several problems that cannot be overlooked.
You manage to captivate your audience quite splendidly for the first 5 lines, then everthing spirals down in an unnerving blur.
“God creates the earth” is a splendid idea, but you fail to give us a proper explanation regarding what happened before and after that event.
Why does he create anything, let alone the earth? How does he create it? Does his fatigue imply any sort of manual labour? Does it not collide with your idea of an omnipotent God?
As a result of your laziness (or lack of imagination?) your style is too dogmatic and unbearably didactic, your lexicon is deliberately obscure to the point of sheer idiocy and your phrasing is, to the modern ear, quite ridiculous.
You give facts where you should give theories, you aim to teach where you should tell a story; a pompous-sounding dogma here and an illogical statement there. There’s no development, no pleasure to be gained from any of The Bible’s pages.
Its lenght is unadulterated absurdity.
We are also unsure of its genre: would you consider it Fantasy? Thriller? Horror, perhaps, is more appropriate.
We strongly discourage you from seeking a literary career and beg you to find a job.
Worst of luck placing your work elsewhere,
Drunkenboat.
